Back on my Feet!

Today was the my first day back to standing poses without my restrictions. Very exciting! Generally, it felt so good to allow my body to gently extend further, although there were a few disappointments.

Surya Namaskar
To stay true to my 'don't bend not past 90 degrees at the hips' rule, I have been doing Sun Salutations with a block under each hand. I also released my right leg backward, and bent my left knee as I lowered my hands to the blocks. The nice not-restricted feeling of reaching my hands towards the floor, was tempered by creaky, stiff muscles. I don't know why I was so surprised! I am moving like a stiff-as-a-board beginner. Very humbling. 

In Surya Namaskara B, I have been doing a looong squat, while my partner moves through Warrior I on the the right side. My quads still need strengthening. I was happy to leave the squat behind (who likes squats??), and it was a treat to step forward into Virabhadrasana I on the right side for the first time in months. My hip is still sharply painful with downward pressure on the right foot. 

Ardha Chandrasana
When I did Half Moon pose on my operated leg, I dropped into a familiar, joyous sensation of flying. I actually felt more stable, and more fluid in my right leg, than on my left.  The more ease I feel on the right side, the more I notice the beginnings of same downward spiral on the left, starting with the same tight, sore feeling in the adductor. Standing on the left, my hip feels tight and held, the SI joint close to seizing. Damn.

Virabhadrasana 1 and 2
Both Warriors feel tighter and stiffer on my left hip. A bit discouraging. Still, I will keep working with a vision of fluidity, encouraging the freedom in the right hip inform the left. I'm sure it will help that with the left hip, I know what I'm dealing with. I have many more tools at my disposal. I hope I can keep it healthy for a long time. 

Shades of Past Practice
In gently stretching my muscles into the poses, two things were apparent. 

1. As my right hip becomes more fluid, my left hip is probably going to tighten up. I will do what I can, with diet, exercise, and visualization, but... It's kinda sad I don't get to enjoy two healthy hips at once until after I get my left hip replaced. But. It is what it is.

2. I remember doing standing practices, something like six months ago, feeling very distracted. After I'd corrected Zack the umpteenth time, he diplomatically asked if my mind was a bit busy. I centered myself, and burst into tears. "I can't be present - it hurts too much!", I said. I'm so lucky to have left that pain behind!

I love my practice for many things, but especially as a barometer of the changes in my body from one day to the next, from one year to the next. I am so blessed to have achieved a high level of fitness and facility before my hip seized up. To be able to move forward again is such a phenomenal gift. I am dancing in my head ALL the time these days, and can't wait to get into the studio. I'm looking at teaching some classes in the fall.

I have so much more appreciation of my body and its abilities. This is such a journey of staying present with what is.

Today's Quote: 'Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got til it's gone." Joni Mitchell

Looking for the Ease

This blog is only one day old, and already I'm in touch with others like me. Worn out, painful hips, technically 'too young' for hip replacement. Is this a new phenomenon? Did people's hips seize up like this a hundred years ago? I wonder now if my Grandpa with arthritis who walked with two canes, after a fall from an apple tree suffered as I do. Still, by the time he had the fall, he was 80.

According to the nice physiotherapist at the Joint Replacement Clinic, arthritis is hereditary. That means that I can't blame teaching 20+ aerobics classes per week in the 80's, or doing thousands of grands battements (that's dance language for high kicks) in my favourite butoh/contemporary fusion dance class. It can't be penance for binge dieting in my 20's, or living concurrent fitness fanatic and party girl lifestyles. The pain that keeps me from dancing has been in my genes, waiting to pounce, no matter what choices I made. Good thing I dove full-on into life while I could!

Not that I don't continue to be as active as I can manage. My partner, Zack and I practice yoga together every morning. Almost every morning... We do a variation on the Vijnana series, taught by Orit Sen-Gupta. Standing Poses on Tuesday, Backbends Wednesday, Seated Poses and Twists on Thursday. On Fridays we do a flow that suits what we need. Saturday and Monday we do Restorative practice (ahhhh...) and Sundays we sleep in.

I do my best in my practice to focus on the good stuff. To accept the pain, work in alignment, and look for places of ease. It's hard not to hear in my head and body the echoes of what I could do before. It's a big switch, after a lifetime of stretching, to exercise with diminishing returns. Certain stretches, Pigeon pose, for example, feel more like an exercise in patience than a stretch. I can exhale, breath energy, imagine softening till the (sacred) cows come home, and nothing happens.

Still, this morning, towards the end of our practice, I found some ease. I found the joy in the seated twists, with my legs propped and still. I felt my pelvis sending roots into the earth, my spine singing into the twist like the robins heralding the coming Spring. I remembered the joy of lifting my heart in the dance, for just a moment.

Which brings me to gratitude. Because it always comes back to gratitude. Though I'll have to live with this for up to a year, eventually there is a solution. I've talked to plenty of hip replacement 'survivors' and they all report this: 'NO MORE PAIN'. I'm not stuck with daily pain forever, like plenty of other folks. For that I give thanks every day.

And I do my research, so when the time comes, I can make informed choices. Here's a column that appeared recently in the the Globe and Mail. A not-so-happy ending.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/the-nightmare-of-margaret-wentes-miracle-artificial-hips/article9235946/?page=2

Cheers!