I can JUMP!

It Ain't Over
You would think that, two and a half years after my second hip replacement, there would be nothing to say. That the healing process would be over, and the pain a distant memory. If I didn't dance, perhaps that would be the case. Maybe I'd be all blase and used to my new hips. Maybe. In fact, I am still so.. Excited!  Like, jumping up and down and yelling and waving your arms excited. Like, doing the happy dance all day every day for the rest of my life excited. Like, winning 500 million dollars in the lottery excited. Still. Two and a half years after my second operation.

I am grateful for so many things. That I am able stride easily along the pipeline that backs our property, to hop over logs and duck under low branches. That I can climb uphill with ease, and navigate steep trails without being afraid to slip. When you live in chronic pain, your whole being tenses often with the fear of falling, because you know even a small crash will send sharp daggers into your already on-fire raw spots. I am grateful that I can squat down to stroke the cat, to clean the windows (well, not really), even sit on the toilet. All these regular daily movements, and many more were creaky and painful. Now I move so easily, it's easy to forget about my old, arthritic self.

There's a Spring in my Step
But here's the thing that really feels amazing. I. CAN. JUMP! This might not be a big deal for most folks. Most of us don't spend much time jumping. Except for basketball and volleyball players. High Jumpers and Long Jumpers. And dancers, like me. In dance class, and on stage; jumping has always been one of the parts of being a dancer that gave me the most joy. I loved feeling my strong, capable legs propelling me into the air, of suspending a little longer than felt possible. As a teenager in ballet class, I'd lounge against the barre in boredom, until I  literally sprang into action when the teacher gave us a 'Grand Allegro' or 'Big Jump' combination. I'd fly across the floor many times over, performing 'jetes' and 'sissones', feeling close to flying.  In my 20's, my ballet teacher would permit me to jump with the 'boys'. An integral feature of the male dancer is performing gravity defying leaps, so the pianist plays a little slower, for more air time.

In my 30's I bounced through dance performances and aerobics classes, high kicking the can can on cement floors and leaping through city alleyways. In my early 40's the pain began. I didn't even notice my lack of jumping ability, until I auditioned for O Vertigo in Montreal in 2007. I knew it would be challenging, as I was out of shape and at least a decade older than most of the other dancers. What I wasn't ready for was my inability to jump. My legs just plain wouldn't push me off the ground. I didn't know anything then about osteoarthritis and hip replacement. I though I was just more out of shape than I'd thought.

White Chicks Don't Jump
As the pain in my hips progressed, I was less and less able to leap into the air. I remember around the time of my diagnosis, jumping on a trampoline with my stepkids, being stopped in my tracks by a searing pain that shot from hip to foot. In dance class, pre and post surgery, I felt like each cheek of my butt was the weight of a 10 pin bowling ball. Though I tried to engage my core, to use my legs, to push with my feet, I could barely leave the floor. I danced as expressively as I could with my upper body, but eventually it became a losing battle. I remember mourning my ability to dance, crying after another class of trying to keep my confidence up despite my dwindling abilities. Here I was, a professional dancer, in a class of adult beginners, dancing like an old woman. I thought of the older students I'd had when I was young, remembering the judgements I made. Here I was, in their shoes. It was humbling.

Technically, my 18 months of healing for my right hip was up in October 2014, and my left September 2015. Even so, a year later, I am still recovering strength, flexibility and fitness. I injured my left hip through pushing it too hard by teaching dance class in the spring of 2015. My left leg and hip are still weak, and the hamstring is tighter than the other.  On the whole though, with each day I gain a bit more of my old dancer self back.

Keep on Dancin'!
In September, I started taking one ballet class and two contemporary each week. It is so glorious to be able to move again. I realized that I have a new, more positive focus for my dance training. For the past few years I have put my energy into healing from surgery. Before that, I was working hard to retain a little mobility, to keep moving enough to hold the pain at bay, but pushing too hard so I made it worse. It was a tough balance to hold. Now I blissfully have no pain, (NO PAIN!), and both hips are mobile and capable. I have some limitations, like not crossing on leg over the other, but mostly, I can dance as i did before. As i build my strength and flexibility, I will bring back into my vocabulary more steps I thought I had said goodbye to. It's exhilarating!

As for jumping, I realize now that some part of me had given it up. I had thought, even with new hips, that I wouldn't be able to leap. It's true that with the weight gain and weak muscles had grounded me. But as I get stronger, I have more facility in jumping. I have more bounce. I can articulate my feet as I jump. In fact, I realized at one point that I had a strong internal belief that I couldn't stretch my toes to the ends when I jumped. That if I did, I'd crash over them and break them. I think it was the result of being grounded for so long. Of lacking the muscular control to propel myself into the air. It's so good to have it back!

I also realized how strong dancers' feet are. Being grounded and unable to dance for years softened the muscles of my feet. I see now what an integral part of a dancer those strong feet are, how grounded one is without them, and how much work it takes to develop those muscles.

My Achilles Heel
I also, inextricably, have longer achilles tendons. Not really sure what this is a result of, but I dance teachers used to hound me to bend my knees more (PLIE!) and I just couldn't. My achilles tendons stopped me. It didn't help that I was often a head taller than most of the other girls.

Anyway, this new tendon length gives me a deeper plie, and as dancers have heard ad nauseum from their teachers, the deeper the plier, the higher the jump. I'll never jump as high as the 20 something ballet boy behind me in class the other day, but it feels so good to spring into the air. I'm happy to leave those big high leaps to the kids.

Lacking Hip Padding
I am once again able to fold at hip, knee and ankle, to smoothly get down to the floor and back up again. My legs are getting stronger and more flexible. I'm having to relearn patterning of steps, but it gets smoother all the time. The small hitch with floor work is that I may always lacking padding at the sides of my hips, the site of the incision scar. This is also where the greater trochanter, that big bone at the top of the thigh that's up at the hip socket, sticks out a bit. Not so pleasant to grind the hip into the floor when I roll on my side. I'm hoping with time I'll get better at finding the places with a little cushion.

Anyway, I feel so blessed and joyful to be moving and leaping into the holiday season.  If you have a story of getting moving after hip replacement, please leave it in the comments.


Today's Quote: "Those who don't jump will never fly." ~ Leena Ahmad Almashat

the Journey Continues...

Well hello. I had let those blog lapse, and though from time to time I have a germ of a thought to share, until now, my fingers hadn't made it to the keyboard. I've been wondering if I need a new, more general blog to share my new, more general thoughts on life, the universe and everything, instead of just hip replacement. Then I found more to say about hip replacement.

So the last surgery was in March of 2014, about 20 months ago. My right hip, which underwent surgery a year earlier, feels fluid and easeful. It wants to dance. My left, unfortunately, isn't keeping up. I am experiencing a growing nerve pain, which goes along the outside of my left leg, culminating in a knot at the front of my left ankle. It isn't 'painful' exactly, more uncomfortable, but it makes my leg kind of squirmy. And it seems to be getting more frequent.

My right hamstring loves to stretch, and is getting gradually more flexible. The left hamstring feels stuck, not willing to stretch, and is substantially shorter than the right. It's true that in about April, I think I tore my left hamstring in dance class, swinging my leg high when it wasn't quite warm enough. The nerve pain initially seemed to arrive after exercise, especially dance class. Not so much after my daily yoga practice.

Anyway, I finally went to John, my wonderful physiotherapist about it. He said he is ... concerned. Not good. He didn't say in so many words, but there could be something up with the prosthetic that is causing the pain. I was afraid to ask.

He said it could also be that I have been compensating for the imbalance in hamstring length; that the piriformis is tight and constricting some nerves. So he gave me some acupuncture needles around the left SI, not too close to the hip as it's contraindicated to put needles over a prosthesis. He also had me practice folding forward and coming back up, keeping my kneecaps lifted, my hips aligned, tipping my pelvis forward very slowly. Pressing the thighs back and the shins forward. That one twisted my brain a little... I'm to be sure to activate my glutes on the way up.

So this morning I integrated all that into my standing poses yoga practice. I did some some longheld pigeons and figure four for good measure. I even gave the front of my ankle a little massage. But as I sit here writing to you on this lovely fall afternoon, the outside of my left leg, and especially the front of my ankle are buzzing.

I also noticed as I walked up the five steps to our deck on the way home from teaching this morning, that my hip felts a bit disconnected, making it difficult to walk upstairs. On a later trips to the yard, I carried a heavy bag of firewood in my left hand, the compression of the hip created by the weight making it easier to walk up stairs.

It occurs to me that the continual weakness in my left leg could be a sign of something going south. But maybe not. I hope not.

By the way, to bring you entirely up to speed, I need to let you know that I broke my right wrist about a month ago. I was leading a dance rehearsal, walked backward over a low bench and FOOSH! as in Fell On Out Stretched Hand. As luck would have it, I needed surgery, and a plate pinned against my radius to keep it from slipping as it healed. Though I really didn't want a plate, the positive side is that it creates an internal cast. I wear a stylish black removable splint, which I can take off to gradually bring more movement into my wrist as it heals. As I am doing even now, as I write this post!

Anyway, more on that later. Stayed tuned for further news on the nerve pain. If you have any experience with nerve pain or anything similar pre or post hip replacement, I'd love to hear about it in the comments section.

It seemed that just as I was all stoked to get moving again, I broke my wrist. And now... I'm not sure what's happening with my left hip. But I'm still looking for the silver linings. Like that after almost a year, I'm back to blogging. That's a good thing!

Here's what I've been looking to for inspiration:

A Chinese Parable

Maybe Good, Maybe Bad

There was once a young man who lived in a very poor village in China. But because the family owned a horse, they were considered wealthy. One day, while out for a ride, the boy stopped to rest, and his horse ran away.

On his return home, the villagers went to his father to express their sorrow for the family’s great loss. “Very bad luck!” they cried. The sage-like father shook his head and calmly said, “Maybe good. Maybe bad.”

The following day, the boy went out to hunt for the missing horse, and to his great joy found a herd of wild horses, which he was able to round up and bring back to the village. The excited villagers exclaimed, “What great fortune—your luck has returned!” The wise elder again calmly said, “Maybe good. Maybe bad.”

The next morning, while trying to tame one of the wild horses, the boy was trampled and left crippled. The loss of a healthy son is indeed a sign of bad luck. And when the village people saw the young man’s mangled leg, they went to the father to express their sympathy for his change in fortune. The elder man’s reply was the same: “Maybe good. Maybe bad.”

Within the week, the Chinese army marched into the village and rounded up all the able-bodied young men—to take away to war.

So Joyful to be Moving!

Well, it's been a while. I don't feel like I have so much to say these days, about my hips. They are getting loose and limber, and are usually completely painfree. I know my left is still healing according to my physio, as the surgery is only 10 months ago, and he says it takes 18 months to complete recovery. Still, I'm feeling pretty awesome!

In the previous post, I shared a photo taken on our rooftop terrace in Sayulita, Mexico. That was last February, when, though my right hip was healing well, my left was tightening up. When I look at that photo, I can see my limited range of motion. So, I took another photo in the same place this year. Though my thigh in Warrior 2 is a long way from parallel to the earth, it looks (and feels!) a lot better.

The holiday was much more fun this year, too. I could run in and out of the waves, and propel myself through the water with a frog kick, too painful to do last year. I could walk for miles and miles sightseeing, without soreness, and even tried a bit of surfing. 

Back at home, I'm strengthening and stretching my hips by teaching a Radical Ballet class, and enjoying taking a contemporary class. I can jump again, which is a wonderful feeling. I'm loving taking our new puppy on long walks in the woods. I can get up and down from the floor with ease, am back to teaching yoga, and practicing acroyoga. I'm dancing contact improv, though being a bit cautious when I have an exhuberant partner.

In short, I can feel the pain and limited range of motion I was suffering before surgery becoming a distant memory. I'm doing my best to continue appreciating the physicality I used to take for granted. It is so wonderful to be moving again, to be doing the things I love, to be riding my bike, dancing and doing yoga.


“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” 
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

It's the Little Things

It's  true that expression is way overused. But it can be so true. On the one hand, I have a very BIG excitement as with every day I have less pain in my hip, and more facility of movement. Sometimes it wells up inside me with such a powerful force, I feel as if I could explode with the joy of it all. The poignant side is to realize each day with more clarity how really tied down I was, how impinged the movement of my legs was. 

Rooftop terrace Sayulita, Mexico.

This photo was taken in February of this year, on our Mexican holiday. We were lucky to have this terrace over our beach apartment, where we practiced yoga every morning. When doing Warrior 2 before arthritis started showing up in my hips, my feet were wide enough to bring my thigh parallel to the ground. It is strange and uncomfortable, to feel your muscles get tighter, no matter how soft you visualize them, or how often you stretch them. It feels so big and wonderful to be on the other side. To feel my hip joints releasing and opening. 

It's the small details that are somehow the most profound, the most telling. Here's a list of little things that give me so much joy these days:

1. I can sit cross-legged again.
For as long as I can remember, I have been a floor sitter. I eschew chairs, and sit cross legged on the carpet. But as my right (the first to go) hip got more and more and more painful, I had to sit with my left leg tucked under, and right extended. It was a big deal to arrive again at sitting cross legged after the first surgery, but it quickly retreated as the left hip descended into pain. Now I can sit up straight, legs crossed!! I'm still a little stiff in the left hip, but it's getting better all the time. In fact, this morning I crossed my right leg over into half lotus. It's like finding a piece of myself that was lost. 

2. I can walk in the woods.
With losing the range of motion in my legs, and pain in every step, walking in the woods with my dog(s) became a chore. I began to stick to the flat, as it's tough to step over logs with tight inner thigh muscles restricting the movement of the legs. The fear of pain makes it tough to jump down off rocks or slide down a hill. I feel so much more at ease now, walking deer trails and hilly terrain, hugging huge trees. I am still cautious of falling, and weak in my legs. Even so walking is such a rediscovered joy! 

3. I can ride my bike.
First my right, then my left hip, would pinch at the front when I rode my bicycle. Raising my seat helped a little, but gave me less pedalling power. My right knee used to turn outward, and the heel inward to bang against the frame of the bike. Now I can ride pain free, though just like for hiking, my legs are weak. But they keep getting stronger. 

4. I can skip!
I'm not sure if it was the pain, or the lack of cartilage in my hip(s) or both, but I've been grounded for years. With hip pain, you can't run for a bus, and you can't 'Skip to My Lou.' I was trying to show my step-daughter the can can a few months ago, and couldn't bounce. But the other day, I was in a group of dancers and without thinking, I started skipping...and laughed out loud! So joyous to be able to do that simple movement.

5. I can shake my booty!!
I was in the kitchen cooking the other day, and started dancing. Maybe it was the pelvis circles I'd done with my yoga class the day before, or maybe my hips were just ready to move, but I started to boogy like I haven't for some time. The hip pain prevented me from shifting my hips side to side. I did my best to take the opportunity to be more expressive with my arms, torso and head, but it sure is awesome to be able to shake it again.

6. I can (almost) Cartwheel!!!
I haven't tried yet. But soon. Once my hip doesn't hurt. Once my muscles are longer and stronger, I'm going to work up to a Cartwheel. That will be the true sign that I am back on my...hands?


Today's Quote: “Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.” ― Rumi

The Last Physio Visit

I was just about at the three month mark when I went to see the physio. He invited me into the big room with the mirror and watched me walk up and down a bunch. He said my gait had improved 'dramatically'. It seems that like my yoga practice, and the physio exercises I've been incorporating have paid off. The exercises I've been doing are:

1. Little Bridge
Lie on your back, arms at your sides. Slide your feet on the floor towards your head until they are under your knees, hip width apart. Squeeze your  glutes to raise the hips, stopping when there is a straight line from knees to shoulders. Hold for 20 - 30 seconds, then lower slowly. Try to bring the two hips to the floor at the same time. This works Hamstrings, Glutes and Core.

2. One Legged Bridge
Go up into the bridge, then lift one foot a few inches off the floor. Hold for a few seconds, then put it down and lift the other. It helps to put the hands on the hipbones, so you can feel if they are level.
An excellent exercise for Core Stability.

3. Leg Extension.
Lying on my back with my thigh over a bolster or block, I extend the leg to straighten the knee, hold it for a few seconds, then lower my foot. This strengthens the quads.

4. Clamshell
Lie on your back, knees bent, then roll onto the unoperated side. Feet should be in line with hips, knees bent at 90 degrees, head supported by the arm. Put the other hand on your upper hip as a reference. Without moving your hips, lift the top knee away from the bottom one. Eventually you can wrap do the same exercise with a Dynaband. This works the Gluteus Medius and Maximus.

I've also been doing my best to walk with my feet parallel, and my pelvis tucked under. Sounds like it's working...but maybe too well.


The "Bad" News
John says that I've changed my movement patterns so drastically, that I can't stretch yet. He advised me to let the muscles, bones, and fascia settle into their new places before moving on to lengthening my hamstrings, and softening my tight hip muscles. Sigh.

On the Other Hand...
On the good side, he said that by August 1st, no one will be able to tell by looking at me what I've been through. John gave me my walking papers. He says there's nothing else he can do for me.

Moving Forward
Already I am getting comments on how well I walk. What I really care about, is that the pain is dissipating. I can lie on my operated side. In fact I can sleep in any position I like these days, which is so exciting! 

I so appreciate being able to move more freely. I am mostly keeping my restrictions, but not too strictly. Pun intended. I have been told more than once by friends that I walk very differently than I did. I really didn't know how much I limped, how ungainly my walking pattern looked to others. I only really see it, see myself moving in my mind's eye, now that it's over. I am so blessed. 


Today's Quote: “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Dislocation???

I am almost at the three month mark, and have been getting a bit concerned about my hip. I don't remember this much pain, and it seems that there is more swelling that there should be at this point. At least that's how I was feeling a week ago. I had started to wonder about dislocation.

I called the surgeon's office yesterday to make an appointment for my next check up. After I saw him at six weeks, he'd asked to see me again in 2 months, rather than in another 6 weeks. So, I spoke to the orthopaedic nurse to ask about whether I can start moving again, as my 3 months of restrictions will be up before I see him.

She said I can lift some restrictions, not all. That I can ditch the tall toilet seat and the cushion. I didn't tell her that I haven't been using either for a couple of weeks. My physio said it's 'torsion' that I need to avoid, to keep the hip healing well. I think that's the painful feeling in my hip that comes from pushing up with my left foot after sitting on a low seat. I always only push up to standing with my right, and keep my left leg extended on the way down and up.

It's partly due to that bit of disobedience, and partly because of the pain and swelling in my hip, that I have been wondering about dislocation. I was worrying that it could be gradual, that my greater trochanter was slowly moving out of my hip socket, causing the swelling and pain. A bit scary, as the surgeon has been pretty dire about dislocation, its attendant pain, and going back under the knife.

So I looked up dislocation after THR on the net. The information I found was very reassuring. What a wonderful resource we have at our fingertips! Turns out that's not what happens. If my hip were dislocated I'd be in excruciating pain and not be able to walk. Phew!

The nurse said I can expect some swelling and pain, along with various pops and snaps, for up to a year. She said I can start stretching, but gently. Hurray!


Today's quote: If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou  (RIP Ms. Angelou...)

Notes from 10 weeks Past Surgery

I have nothing really new to report. Still walking with my pelvis tucked, feet parallel and hips swaying. Or trying to. Still practicing patience in waiting out my three months of restrictions. Even so, here are some reflections from this place on the path.

1. My hip hurts. A lot. 
I just went back to read last year's blog. I don't remember it being this sore. The outside is tender to the touch, so I still can't lie on my left side. It also hurts to engage the external rotators. I've gone back to taking Tylenol. 

2. Both of my legs are weak. 
Six months of recovery in the last two years equals a lot of inactivity and muscle wasting. My hamstrings, quads and glutes are shadows of their former selves. My body feels dificult to lift. Perhaps because I am about 20 lbs heavier than my usual weight. It's hard to practice what I believe, to accept the roll at my belly, the extra flesh on my back, with love and compassion, when I miss my usual athletic self. I'm aching for dance class, acroyoga and bike rides on the Galloping Goose. 

Inspiring women like me to love their bodies as they are, here's Taryn Brumfitt. Taryn Brumfitt video


3. Zack cut my toenails
The second time around, I took care to cut the toenails on my left foot before I went in for surgery. Even so, they were appallingly long by the end of month two. Especially the baby toenail. I was in danger of slashing an ankle with it. Probably my own. Anyway, my partner Zack cut my left toenails for me. Thanks, Zack.

4. Inside to outside
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a little black bump at the bottom end of my (I thought) completely healed incision. Over the course of a week, it wiggled its way out until it was a 3mm piece of thread sticking straight out, like a long, thick black hair. A bit alarming, as the little hole it sticks out of goes straight into the centre of my recent surgery. The perfect little tunnel for bacteria from our hot tub to invade my healing capsule. I was planning a trip to the clinic, and hopped in the shower. Then, as I ran my hand over the thread, it detached. Problem solved. I put a little Polysporin around the tiny hole, just to be safe.

5. Back on the Chain Gang
I'm able to carry my massage table again, and therefore back in business. Hurray! I love my work. You can book a Clearheart Bodywork treatment with me at 250-208-0300 or email peaceinpresence(at)gmail.com. I have also resumed setting up Personalized Restorative Yoga Programs for one, two or three people. I'll be teaching yoga at Ahimsa again in June. 

Come take advantage of the inspiration I've been soaking up while recuperating up here on Ming Mountain. I'll be so very pleased to share it with you.


Today's Quote: Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. ~ Tori Amos